I wrote this years ago as part of a Valentine's day box contest at work. It belongs here with Skank Ham, me thinks.
Ode to Processed Meat Products
I must have a sandwich, I must have it now
packed with as many pork lips and parts of the cow.
Then I see it, I stop....i stagger
that grayish hunk they call braunshwagger
Roast beef, turkey breasts? those are for snobs
Give me chopped ham and give me gobs!
Oh, that Oscar Mayer, what he does with meat
that olive loaf he brews is truly elite.
and Carl Buddig he fashions a slice so shiny and thin
My Wonder bread begs “Oh Carl, please let me in!”
Ah, Spam...so shelf stable, so spongy so PINK
Into your mucous-like goo let my lips slowly sink.
Please don’t forget the souse and transluscent head cheese
Pretty please with mustard I beg on my knees.
Teeth gritted, fists clenched
will my thirst for liver loaf ever be quenched?
Copyright 2005, Iron Stef